It’s the week of Thanksgiving, so I’m obligated by the United States Constitution, The Bible and Norm MacDonald’s fake memoir to write about what I’m thankful for this week. And in the realm of fantasy hockey, there’s a pretty decent amount I’d have to say, so this column will be a little different than giving my (terrible) advice as per usual.
I’m thankful that Connor McDavid is giving Sidney Crosby competition for the best fantasy forward. It’s only been about ten years since there was anyone else you’d consider at the top of the heap year in and year out.
I’m thankful that Taylor Hall has given the Devils forwards a fantasy pulse this season and helped Cory Schneider get a few more wins and become a little more appreciated, even if he’s not Carey Price (nobody is).
I’m thankful that Carey Price is so good so I know which team is going to win every league because it’s the one with him on it.
I’m thankful I recommended Damon Severson and Auston Matthews this year as they’ve been two of the best fantasy picks you could’ve made. Patrik Laine and Mitch Marner are among some of the others that are helping drive new blood into the usual fantasy suspects.
I’m thankful the Canucks are horrible. Anyone with half a brain knew they’d be this bad and didn’t waste any picks on any of their players.
I’m thankful for the Vegas Golden Knights giving someone like Lee Stempniak or Ryan Dzingel way too much ice time next year and surprising everyone with 50 points.
I’m thankful that Bobby Ryan is happy wearing a defenseman’s number because he’s putting up fantasy numbers like one.
I’m thankful that Marian Hossa has discovered secret government cyborg technology that Jaromir Jagr discovered years ago and I hope he shares it with all of us.
I’m thankful so many highly rated players are available because nobody has any idea who’s good even 20 games into the season. Nick Foligno, Antoine Roussel and Alexander Wennberg are often free and that gives garbage teams like mine hope to rise up.
I’m thankful that Devan Dubnyk thinks he can keep up with Price over a whole season. He won’t be able to but it’ll make the fantasy matchups more interesting until then.
I’m thankful Henrik Lundqvist isn’t currently ranked in the top 150. Because that means he stinks.
I’m thankful Ben Bishop is at least more highly ranked than Semyon Varlamov. Oh wait he’s on my team too.
I’m thankful Keith Kinkaid is only ranked five spots behind Cory Schneider since it helps me realize I know nothing and nothing can get more bizarre than this calendar year.
I’m thankful Johnny Gaudreau and Evgeny Kuznetsov have been garbage men this year because I’m older than them and don’t want to feel death coming as I watch them as much as last year. Matthews and Laine do that enough, thank you!
I’m thankful for Phil Kessel. In general.
I’m thankful for the Bruins and Senators playing on Thanksgiving so at least something went on last night fantasy wise.
I’m thankful my team is trash so I won’t get upset by losing in the playoffs.
I’m thankful for Peter Budaj because he’s the only reason my team isn’t in last. *Waits for Jonathan Quick to come back and ruin that*
Lastly, I’m thankful people actually joined the AATJ fantasy league and hope y’all are having fun beating my team into the dirt every week.